mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
