I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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