I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize