You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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