I love black thongs
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
