apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
