Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
