ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
