WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
