Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
