just tell him i said nine months
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You took a bar mat shot.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
