I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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