I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
