i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
