the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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