It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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