so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
