i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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