She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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