I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
