I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
