lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
