His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
