that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
either way he was missing a nipple.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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