Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it's like iHOP with fire
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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