is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
