Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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