if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
