Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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