I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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