We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
