i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
