I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
