Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
