Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
