did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
