I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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