Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
