His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
