just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
