oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
