I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
