i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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