he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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