It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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