We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
