were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
