I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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