This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
