i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
