you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
