He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
