I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
vagina is talking i cant
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
