this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
