Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
