You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
