Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
