I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
