we have pet lesbian snakes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
