When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
