Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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