I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
