Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He felt like a one man threesome
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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