just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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