In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
