You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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