He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
