i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
