I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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