dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
