Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
my poor anus
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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