Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize