hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
