ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
